Making the best life has to offer....

My past few days have been very challenging for me. I keep playing it in my mind that I am first & fore most a "mother." No one & nothing will get in the way of that. With Kaen's 8th birthday coming up real soon this situation has left me here wondering what else could go wrong. I have decided to move forward & to not let anyone or anything get in the way of making my children's lives better. I have a huge plan ahead. A big goal I will one day achieve. This goal is the key to my children's future. Once I get all these plans on the right track I know things will be better for them. All this time I would sit and wonder what it would be like if things get better. But no more... I will not stop til it all gets better. Even when it gets better I'm going to keep on moving to make it even better. I want my kids to grow up knowing that I have made sacrifices all for their benefit. Happiness is another important thing I struggle with. Hopefully one day soon, I will be able to get over that phase & be my old self again. A lot of things have happened & I am not going to lie, I have started hating myself more and more each day. But that will go on no longer. I will not let anyone let me feel like I don't deserve the best or better.
  I just want to say that "family" is a big part of my life. I have a little family of my own, but without my roots I don't know where I'd be today. Many of them help in so many ways you can't even imagine...& I can't thank them enough. They have helped me through times of struggle. When I need them the most they are always there. Thank you all for that! Not only do you help make it possible for me to better my children's lives but mine as well. Being blinded for so long made me think things can never get better. But now I know it can & it will.
       <3 kishya~

"What hurts you in life, only makes you stronger"

So, a couple of days ago something big impacted my life. I will not go into detail but I will share a little of what had happened. I got in contact with a great friend & I believed this friend made me believe that I was living life for everything but the right reasons. I already know I have my children to live for. They are the greatest & I know for sure I will always have them to love me for me no matter what. I found that I had a lot of insecurities & I needed to step up and change this. I realize that I was trying to make everyone in my life happy & I wasn't succeeding for one reason, I wasn't happy myself. In order for you to make another happy we must keep in mind that "we" ourselves need to be happy first. We need to get in contact with our inner selves & find what can make us happy, who we are & what we love about ourselves. I never thought of this because me, being the person I am, I always put everyone else before myself. 

  I started making some changes which includes keeping a journal of my everyday journey & adding diet & daily exercise to my busy day. I try so hard to stay focused & remember that I am doing this for myself & no one else. These past few days have been very emotional for me. I have been caught up in a world I thought could be perfect, not realizing that this world is what we make of it. Everything in our lives happens because we allow it to. When we are sad,  we wanna be sad. When we are happy, we want to be happy. When we are hurt, we wanna be hurt. But there is always a chance for you to change what you want to. We live our lives each day worrying about everyone else. We need to remember to live it to the fullest...but for ourselves. 

  I no longer talk to this friend because certain things won't allow for it. But I want to say thank you. You helped me believe in myself in a way I never thought I could. I will always be grateful for the words you said that made a difference in my life. J*S.....

-kishya