It's summer again here on GUAM. The weather has been a little tricky on us...but we've managed to make the best of it. A lot of photo taking happening now so I will be able to share some photos with everyone. I know I have been neglecting my blog here but I had a lot of things going on in my life and I had to get some things done before I could continue. A lot has happened since the last post...but let's just say that I kind of drifted from making things better for "myself," from trying to find myself and making "me" happy. Going to keep this post real short....but I will post again real soon*

Picking up and making it better......

Do you ever feel like your life should be more than what it is? Do you sometime feel like you need to work twice as hard for you to finally be happy? Sometimes I feel like I need to push a lil harder...take things and make it mine. Not being greedy, it's just that a lot of times I am all about other people and making them happy. Sometimes I forget that I deserve happiness too. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and my three boys...just that there are a few things I'd like to change to make it all better. 
Now that I know something is missing in my life, I am determined to find it and make sure to have it in my life. I have been through so much in my life, a lot of times I get lost and confused...trying to blame everything that went wrong in my life on myself. But I have learned that I am only human...I make mistakes. It's up to me to learn from them and move on. A special someone made me believe in myself again...something I thought could never happen. I wish things were a bit different and I know it's going to have influence on a lot of things, but I know what I need to do and I am going to get it done....because I believe with everything in me that it is well worth it~ 

Summer

So, the boys and I have basically been staying home during the day waiting for Josh to get home. This past weekend we were invited to join my brother and his family at Tarza water park and the the hotel room. My kids enjoyed every minute up until it was time to head back home. The boys had such a blast with their god brothers, nina, and nino. Colin learned to swim on his own using only the life jacket. Zayven kept trying let my hands go so he can go on his own...a  few more swimming lessons and he'll get it. He just needs to learn how to balance himself in the water and hold still. It was a great get away even if it was only a day. My brother was celebrating his 24th birthday. I am so happy to be his big sister. There are only two of us. I love how it's like that because then we have a greater bond. We are all each other has...it makes us closer. My family is great. They give so much love and support even when it's not really need it. Or should I even put it that way? because family support to me is always needed. Love my family so much!! Forever and for always!

Making the best life has to offer....

My past few days have been very challenging for me. I keep playing it in my mind that I am first & fore most a "mother." No one & nothing will get in the way of that. With Kaen's 8th birthday coming up real soon this situation has left me here wondering what else could go wrong. I have decided to move forward & to not let anyone or anything get in the way of making my children's lives better. I have a huge plan ahead. A big goal I will one day achieve. This goal is the key to my children's future. Once I get all these plans on the right track I know things will be better for them. All this time I would sit and wonder what it would be like if things get better. But no more... I will not stop til it all gets better. Even when it gets better I'm going to keep on moving to make it even better. I want my kids to grow up knowing that I have made sacrifices all for their benefit. Happiness is another important thing I struggle with. Hopefully one day soon, I will be able to get over that phase & be my old self again. A lot of things have happened & I am not going to lie, I have started hating myself more and more each day. But that will go on no longer. I will not let anyone let me feel like I don't deserve the best or better.
  I just want to say that "family" is a big part of my life. I have a little family of my own, but without my roots I don't know where I'd be today. Many of them help in so many ways you can't even imagine...& I can't thank them enough. They have helped me through times of struggle. When I need them the most they are always there. Thank you all for that! Not only do you help make it possible for me to better my children's lives but mine as well. Being blinded for so long made me think things can never get better. But now I know it can & it will.
       <3 kishya~

"What hurts you in life, only makes you stronger"

So, a couple of days ago something big impacted my life. I will not go into detail but I will share a little of what had happened. I got in contact with a great friend & I believed this friend made me believe that I was living life for everything but the right reasons. I already know I have my children to live for. They are the greatest & I know for sure I will always have them to love me for me no matter what. I found that I had a lot of insecurities & I needed to step up and change this. I realize that I was trying to make everyone in my life happy & I wasn't succeeding for one reason, I wasn't happy myself. In order for you to make another happy we must keep in mind that "we" ourselves need to be happy first. We need to get in contact with our inner selves & find what can make us happy, who we are & what we love about ourselves. I never thought of this because me, being the person I am, I always put everyone else before myself. 

  I started making some changes which includes keeping a journal of my everyday journey & adding diet & daily exercise to my busy day. I try so hard to stay focused & remember that I am doing this for myself & no one else. These past few days have been very emotional for me. I have been caught up in a world I thought could be perfect, not realizing that this world is what we make of it. Everything in our lives happens because we allow it to. When we are sad,  we wanna be sad. When we are happy, we want to be happy. When we are hurt, we wanna be hurt. But there is always a chance for you to change what you want to. We live our lives each day worrying about everyone else. We need to remember to live it to the fullest...but for ourselves. 

  I no longer talk to this friend because certain things won't allow for it. But I want to say thank you. You helped me believe in myself in a way I never thought I could. I will always be grateful for the words you said that made a difference in my life. J*S.....

-kishya

mango fruit SALAD

Easy Mango Salad (Fruit)

Frozen Mangoes

Coconut gels

Coconut Strings 

Orange Crush Soda

*Drain coconut gels & coconut strings then mix all ingredients with orange crush soda. Put as much soda as you want.*

For Mom & Dad...Watching over Them-Kelly Brooks

This is an amazing song. I could listen to the meaningful words all day long. The video itself is amazing...sweet. A lot of things go through my mind as I hear this song. A lot of times I feel like I lose faith in a lot of things but then I always remind myself that our dear God is great. He never gives us more than what we can handle. So, in my situation here on earth he must think I'm one strong individual. From my middle & high school years I have made a number mistakes with the decisions that I had made. Today I live my life one day at a time & when ever I am stuck in a difficult situation I remember all the mistakes I've made. I take that lesson I learned from it so I don't make the same mistakes again.  Sometime we repeat our mistakes and I guess it's okay. But sooner or later we realize that mistake & we want to make the change in our lives to better ourselves. My parents have always taught me good from wrong. They have been by my side & I want to thank them for helping raise my oldest son, Kaen Joseph Pangelinan, since the time he was born. Even if mom was afraid, she stayed by my side like any other mother would do. Mom, I know we got off at the wrong start & we didn't really have that bond like a mother & daughter should have. I was always complaining about the things you didn't do when I should have been thankful for everything you did. So, today I want to say I am sorry...I should have listened and took the advice you gave. Maybe things wouldn't be so hard. But I know that because I have you and daddy's support I will be able to get through any obstacle that I may come across. I love you mom & dad forever & a day!

Love always your daughter,

kishya